Less Hustle, More Flow: Career Advice for PSOs & Everyone Else.

First of all: HAPPY NEW YEAR!

This blog post is a little bit different than what I usually post. It’s written for other flirts, as well as clients. And it’s less about sex and more about magic, and how to apply magic to working smarter!

There are a lot of self proclaimed experts in the field of sex work marketing their services right now. While I have provided consulting to new flirts upon request, I do not personally believe that career advice is a one size fits all matter. I’ve become very successful breaking a lot of the so-called “rules” for phone sex success. For example: I’ve never kept a schedule, because time is a socially constructed illusion (just kidding…sorta). The truth is, I’m a free spirit and I quit a successful 9-5 career because I hated keeping a schedule, so why would I force myself to have one now that I run my own business?

I’ve actually deliberate steered clear of other people’s “advice,” because I’ve always found, in all the jobs I’ve had, that I am most successful if I ignore the rules and follow my gut. A lot of so-called advice is actually opinions or personal anecdotes. As they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. The one exception is when clients give me feedback. I used to not send out mass mailings because I thought they might be a turn-off for clients, until a client told me he WANTED to be notified of when I released new MP3s. The fact is that many client do ignore mass mails, but at the end of the daily, I decided that sending out occasional, well-constructed mails was actually integral to my success, even if it turned off a few people here and there. In this industry it’s expected that you send out marketing mails as a successful provider.

For this reason, the advice I give others is generally to trust your instincts and figure out a path that works for YOU rather than trying to follow someone else’s recipe for success. But there is one bit of advice I hear floating around quite a bit that I actually think has the potential to harm your career by causing rapid burnout. That advice is “hustle harder.”

Recently a meme popped up on my Twitter timeline that said “HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO GET RICH IF YOU SLEEP NINE HOURS EVERY NIGHT” and I laughed out loud, because I generally sleep 9 hours nightly, plus a nap if I need it. The idea that I should sleep less or not take time for myself is completely counter-intuitive, as far as I am concerned. Well rested Goddess= happy, productive Goddess. I need plenty of rest in order to have the focus to offer intense calls that often involve a lot of mental gymastics or deep hypnotic programming. I need time to rest and dream in order to access my creative flow, do my spiritual work, and realize my personal vision.

If I followed other people’s advice I could try to predict “what clients want” based on a spreadsheet. Or I can channel insight from the Red Goddess herself. Guess what content actually sells best? The MP3s that I was EXCITED and INSPIRED to make. Clients notice when the passion is present. I am more successful putting more time and love into a smaller amount of high quality content than constantly cranking out more, more, more when I don’t feel excited about what I am creating. Pushing too hard leads to burnout and boredom, which is not sexy, and not conducive to career success.

Capitalism is a helluva drug, y’all. But there is more to life than spending every waking minute chasing dollars. You can’t take money to the grave, and phone sex is about sensuality, pleasure, playfulness, fun, and in my case- spiritual transformation for both me and my slaves. The money just happens to be an enjoyable result of doing what I am passionate about for a living. I do this work because I am a creative person who lives within the moment, not a slave to schedules and spreadsheets!

All this said, what works for me won’t work for everyone. Nevertheless, I do think that it’s important to think about working smarter, not harder. I realize this flies in the face of everything we’ve been taught under capitalism. I remember the first time my person trainer explained the concept of HIIT to me- High Intensity Interval Training. With HIIT, you alternate spurts of maximum effort exertion with longer periods of lower intensity recovery. Your workout is over in 20 minutes. And you get more benefit from working out this way than slogging away for an hour straight. I didn’t want to believe it was possible. It seemed too easy to be effective — even though there was science to back it up. I resisted HIIT initially, almost as if I believed that exercise SHOULD be tedious in order to be effective (and I don’t!) The same principle applies to work. Of course it is necessary to exert a sincere effort to get results, but the truth is, if you are in alignment with your personal flow, it won’t feel tedious. It will feel exhilarating. And a small amount of really focused, intentional high quality effort will have a much better payoff than hours of drudgery. You should never be working harder than you need to be, unless you really get off on being bored and miserable, in which case I recommend re-assessing your outlook on life.

Continuing the exercise analogy- if I never get off the couch, I won’t get fitness gains. But I’ll get more gains for 20 minutes of HIIT four times a week than an hour of repetitive cardio daily. And I’ll also be more excited to work out if I know I can knock it off my to-do list in twenty minutes, and if I see more tangible results more quickly. And then I can spend that extra 40 minutes having sex, meditating, or taking a nap! AAAAAND- here’s the real kicker- I’ll actually get better results if I don’t do HIIT every day, because my body can’t build muscle without rest and gentler recovery days.

I’ve noticed an interesting pattern- if I try to force myself to work when I’m exhausted, I don’t get calls. There’s no rhyme or reason to it, but it’s true. I end up going to bed tired AND frustrated, when I could have just gone to bed! But if I’m in a good mood and energized, the phone rings off the hook. Pushing against the tide is being out of alignment. If you follow the natural flow of energy, do what you enjoy instead of what you think others want from you, and allow yourself to rest when you feel tired, amazing things will happen. Believe it.

Dark Blessings,

Goddess Eriko

Goddess Eriko's Guide to Spiritual Slavery: How to Meditate, Part One

Click image to purchase guided Zen meditation

Today’s post is not necessarily about sex, but something that is important for those who wish to embark on a path of spiritual slavery: meditation practice.

Starting a meditation practice can seem very intimidating, especially if you don’t know very much about it. So I am going to begin by giving you a fundamental meditation practice that you can easily do daily. It is known as Zen meditation or Shamatha meditation, and it was how my Japanese parents taught me how to meditate when I was only four years old:

1. Sit down on a chair with feet on the floor, or cross legged seated on a cushion. Set a timer for five minutes, then place your hands face up or down on your lap.

2. Close your eyes and begin to breathe in and out through your nose. Thoughts may start to enter your mind. Observe your thoughts, but do not engage with them. Simple label them “thoughts” and let them move on, let watching passing clouds in a sky. Return to the breath.

3. It may help to give your mind something to “do” so you don’t get distracted by thought. The easiest way is to count your in breath and out breath. Breath in, one. Breath out, one. Breath in, two, breathe out, two. Do this to a count of ten, then start again. Do this until the timer goes off, then resume your day.

Five minutes a day is all it takes. It seems like such a simple thing to sit still and breathe for five minutes, so simple that a child can do it. But in many ways it is incredibly challenging, because we are so used to being at the mercy of our thoughts, and identifying with our thoughts. The first step towards de-programming your mind so you can be re-programmed and find freedom through slavery is to stop identifying with your thoughts, as what you think is largely the result of your societal programming.

Click here to purchase a guided Zen meditation that can be used to cultivate a daily five minute practice.

In the next post I will expound on kundalini meditation- using your sexual energy for spiritual evolution!

Niteflirt Chat Etiquette: Tips for Clients

Having worked on Niteflirt for 8 years now, I’ve seen the introduction of various new features on the site, notably Goodie Bags (which I love) and chat (which I have mixed feelings about).

I am writing this post to give clients perspective on the pros and cons of chat from the POV of a Flirt. I do not presume to speak for all Flirts, but it will give you some insight to how the features works (or doesn’t work) for me.

Chat Pros:

• Provides an alternative to a phone call when a client cannot call.

• Provides a low pressure alternative to calling, especially if a client is new to Niteflirt, or new to working with me.

• Offers some compensation for non-phone communication, as opposed to mail. (It takes time to read written communication, and time is money).

Chat Cons:

• Flirts are only paid for responding to the most recent message received. This sometimes leads to a client sending a huge volume of messages, with the flirt only getting paid to read one of them. I personally believe that clients should be charged per message sent, in order to curtail “spamming” of this nature. The downside of this is sometimes it forces me to cut my responses short in order to “keep up” with a fast typer, or else I barely get paid for chatting.

• There is no character limit on the messages that can be sent. This is a problem with cut and paste spammers who get off on writing super long descriptions of their fantasies and sending them out to dozens of Flirts under the pretense of inquiring about a call. Guys- don’t do this, unless you want to piss off every Flirt on the site.

• Clients are not charged for sending photos. This can lead to flirts being inundated with unwanted graphic sexual images.

• Unlike calls, Flirts are unable to set their preferred rate for chat.

• Chat requires a lot of time and focus for Flirts to be properly compensated under the current structure, time that could be better spent on a call, working on goodies, and so forth. I can’t afford to give my undivided attention to a chat session the same way I would with a call, it’s simply not worth it. Unfortunately, some people attempt to abuse the chat function in order to get cheap or free attention when they don’t want to pay for a call.

As you can see, the cons of chat heavily outweigh the pros from the Flirt side of things, and there are ways I would like to see the platform restructured (though again, this is all strictly my point of view). I personally prefer to reserve the chat feature for casual check ins, scheduling calls, and so forth- for me it cannot replace the the intimate experience of a live call.

In cases where a client does want to spend a long time chatting, or send photos, I request tributes. This is not “findom,” it shows me that a client actually values my time and energy. Here are some of my suggested guidelines for using chat as a client and keeping your Flirt happy:

• Ask consent before sending a sexually graphic pic, or dick pic if you don’t already have agreement about photos with your Flirt. If the Flirt consents to receiving this content, send a $5-$10 tribute with the pic. (Remember that most women- not just Flirts- have received unwanted dick pictures at one point or another, so it can be a touchy subject for us).

• If a client wants to have a long, leisurely chat with my undivided attention, I request a tribute of $25. With this tribute in place, I am able to relax and respond in a more thoughtful way without worrying about being properly compensated for my time. I find this works very well for separating clients who are serious about using chat as a legitimate alternative to phone calls from spammers and time wasters.

• Wait for the Flirt to respond to your message before sending another message. That way we don’t feel like we’re racing against you in order to be paid for our time and effort.

• Keep each message to 2-3 sentences max. Nobody wants to read a novel!

• Don’t spam dozens of flirts with identical cut & paste content- we want to feel like you actually care about connecting with us personally.

• If you want an in-depth roleplay or a lot of attention, CALL. Chatting cannot replace the intimacy of a live call!

Allow me to be blunt: if you are trying to game the chat system to get a lot of attention for cheap or free, we can tell. You will find that bad behavior will lead to you being blocked, or ignored in order to prioritize clients who are respectful. Is that really want you want out of your experience on Niteflirt?

Much love,

Goddess Eriko

The Art of Pleasing a Woman

In my line of work, I have the luxury of discussing with men certain things that social graces dictate that most woman not talk about. 

I get asked a lot about the best way to please a woman. Hint: it may not be what you think/assume it is. It may seem like women are difficult to please. That is sometimes true, or it may be that you're not listening. The following tips are based on 26 years of being a woman, and may not be true for all women, but might be helpful nevertheless.

1. Compliment us. We put a lot of time, energy, and money into being pretty. Be specific if you like the color of her lipstick or the way her ass looks in those jeans. ESPECIALLY COMPLIMENT OUR LINGERIE. That shit is expensive and complicated to wear! Make us feel like it's worth it. On that note...

2. Let us pick out the lingerie you give us. If you want to give a lady a gift (lingerie or otherwise) there are three ways to do it:
a. gift card
b. take us shopping
c. have your lady make an online wishlist
I know you might want to surprise her, or have some say in what she wears. That's where C really comes in handy. But if she hates the lingerie you buy her, she's not going to want to wear it, which is pretty pointless! 

3. Let us lie the fuck down when you give us pleasure. Trust me, I like riding a dick or a face as much as anyone. But if I'm trying to cum, I need to be flat on my back relaxed and focusing. If you want a lady to ride your face for your pleasure, by all means ask, but don't view that as giving us pleasure if it's really mostly about your Queening fetish.

4. On that note- don't confuse your pleasure with her pleasure. Both of you deserve pleasure. But don't pressure her to do something she's not into by trying to convince her it's what she wants, if it isn't. If you ask what would give her pleasure and she says she wants massage, and five minutes into the massage you stick your dick in her from behind (this has happened to me WITH TWO DIFFERENT GUYS), you're not actually pleasuring her. You're cheating her of the thing she actually wanted in order to skip ahead to what you want. Not cool. 

4. Get good at using your hands. Learn how to give a yoni massage. Being touched with hands can feel as good as a dick or being eaten out, especially if it's all about just relaxing and receiving pleasure, with no rush, no pressure to come. Take your time. Seriously. Let her relax and receive pleasure 100% while you play with her nipples, her clit, massage her pussy, finger her, use toys, etc. Stay there a long time, unless she wants you to stop. Watch this video to see what I'm talking about. 

5. Stop trying to make her cum. I know, this sounds counter-intuitive. The truth is, you CAN'T make her cum. It's her body. Whether or not she has an orgasm is going to depend on a lot of factors, but pressuring her and pestering her to have an orgasm generally will have the opposite of the desired effect. If it happens, great. If it doesn't, don't take it personally, or try something else.

6. Make friends with sex toys. I recommend that everyone own a Magic Wand Rechargeable (the original is great too, just less convenient) and an Njoy Pure Wand. These toys can be total game changers for waking up the clitoris and the g-spot. Explore them together but also let her have some solo time with them!

7. Let her drive the clit (if she wants to). I cannot cum from another person fingering or using a vibrator on a clit. My clit is very fussy and high maintenance. So don't be upset if she needs to work her clit herself, it's not a failure on your part. For me personally I love using a vibrator on my clit while being fucked by a partner, or having him finger my pussy- it's a surefire way for me to cum for me!

8. Most importantly ASK. And LISTEN! Don't assume you know what she wants, or what will make her cum or give her pleasure. Remember that if you make her happy, she'll make YOU happy <3

The Art of being a VIP Client

As a veteran phone courtesan, I have talked to hundreds (if not thousands!) of people over the years. And yes, while this is my career, I do care about my clients, and there are particular individuals whose calls I especially look forward to. The bottom line is if you are a good client, you will have a better overall experience on your calls, and with forming intimate connections with your favorite flirt(s). I decided to write up a little guide to give you some insight to what it takes to be the sort of unforgettable client I love!

1. Don't ask for discounts, or haggle- ever.
I have blocked people over this type of behavior. It is rude and disrespectful. The worst are the guys who say "I know a girl who will do the same thing for half your rate"- great, please call her instead. Free minutes, etc. must be offered by the flirt herself, because she likes you. She is the one who decides if you get a hookup- not you. I am the most generous with clients who are generous with me. There is nothing less sexy than a broke beggar. Good phone sex is a luxury worth saving for. 

2. Allow enough time for the call.
Especially if it's your first time calling, or you want something time consuming such as hypnosis. Set aside a minimum of 20 minutes for your call, longer if you want a deep hypno session. Add enough money to your account so that the call is not interrupted every five minutes with a one minute warning.  It is frustrating to have someone edge themselves, call, and expect me to get them off in three minutes so they can hang up. 

3. Know what YOU want.
When you call me, I want to make you happy and give you a wonderful experience, whether you are seeking a mind blowing orgasm, some pleasurable relaxation, or just some friendly conversation. But although I am highly intuitive, I am not a mind reader. 

It's always a good idea to go into a call for some sense of what you want. It's not enough information to know that you are submissive, or "want a woman to tell you what to do." Give me specific details. Is your fantasy about being spanked? Cuckolded? What do you envision me wearing? What do you envision YOU wearing? Check out my list of favorite fantasies if you need some inspiration. These little details are tremendously helpful in helping us create the experience you desire. There is no need to be shy about what it is you really want. No matter how weird you think it is, I can guarantee I've probably heard weirder. If anything your fantasy may be way more common than you realize. 

It's also a good idea to spend the time to find a flirt who really meets your needs. If you call a submissive flirt because you like her photo, but you wish to be dominated, you'll be both be disappointed. If you're not certain if a flirt will be interested in your particular fantasy,  you can always send a message to check in before calling. However, it is a good idea to send a tribute if the message is particularly long, or if you desire a prolonged correspondence, to demonstrate that you value her time. Many of us receive dozens of message each day, and may or may not have time to read multiple messages if we are busy with calls. A tribute helps you stand out from the rest.

4. Respect boundaries and keep realistic expectations. 
It can be easy to forget that you are paying for a sexual fantasy if you feel a deep connection and "fall" for a flirt. After all, a charming, sexy, and likable personality is a requirement for this job! I genuinely enjoy the company of my clients and am usually pretty open and honest about what type of person I am. However, I do have a personal life that I keep separate from my work, and I strongly feel that this clearly defined boundary is part of why I am successful. 

Begging a flirt to meet you in person, say "I love you," or date you is unfair and inappropriate. If a girlfriend is what you are looking for, you'll be much better off signing up with an online dating service. A flirt cannot replace your desire for an in-person relationship, and it is unrealistic to expect us to meet that need for you. 

5. Be respectful. 
My idea of a perfect call goes something like this: the client introduces themselves, we get to know each other a little bit (or we catch up if we've spoken before), we explore an erotic fantasy together with plenty of time to build tension towards an explosive climax, we wrap up the call, and the client leaves me (hopefully positive) feedback and a tribute (it doesn't have to be a huge one, it's the thought that counts!) 

The calls I dread: client is pushy, abrupt, won't tell me their name, won't tell me what they want, behaves in a rude fashion, hangs up after a few minutes. These guys leave me frustrated, feeling as though my time has been wasted. I truly wonder why these men don't just masturbate to a free porn website! 

I'm also not a fan of callers who use racial slurs against me (without first establishing whether or not I am okay with raceplay), who push to discuss topics that are off-limits within Niteflirt's TOS, and who are otherwise insulting, degrading, or mean. These guys get blocked. 

In a nutshell? Be respectful, be realistic, be generous, and be yourself. This is the quickest way to form a great connection with a flirt who can truly give you what you need- and who will look forward to chatting with you every time.  Maybe I can be the one for you. <3

XOXO

Goddess Eriko